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How a Bill Becomes A Law by Coach John Madden Illustrations by Mike Brown |
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OK. Here's Congressman Smart. He's from Green Bay, and he's a tough guy. He's always been a tough guy. Green Bay always sends big tough guys to Congress. Look at that gut! It takes a big tough guy to carry around a gut that big! |
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 The Congressman here has some "constituents." You know what "constituents" are, don't you? Guys in suits, with money bulging out of their pockets. When the heat's on, but you're stayin' cool and you've got money bulging out of your pockets, that's what you call politics...and you gotta stay cool. If you can't stay cool, you shouldn't be in politics. Look at the cool look on their faces. Now that's cool. |
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 Smarty's been paid off bigtime, to write a bill for his "constituents." See his bulging pocket? But he's wondering now, how the heck can he make this bill become a law. You know what's interesting? He's gotta spread some of that money around and still save a bunch for himself! |
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Here's Smarty's first move: he puts his staffer, Wanda, in motion. She's a cute one, isn't she? Smarty sends her straight down the hall to Congressman Bright's office, the chairman of his committee, and she does this little hook pattern right under his desk. Bang! Congressman Bright's got a big smile and seeing stars! What a hit! Knocked him out of his shoes! |
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 That was one of those deals where the coach is going to say, when you get the ball, run with it. Smart and Bright are on the same team now, but it's a long way to the goal line, and there are a few guys out there who are going to try and stop them. |
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 Now Bright's
calling the plays, drumming up support for the bill. One minute he's
on the phone, arranging for expensive booze, hookers and pharmaceuticals
for all his pals- the next minute he's laughing with Congressman Smith
here. That's why Smitty's smiling: he was just standing there and
Boom! He's got a pocket fulla cash now, and knows there's a lot more
where that came from. |
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Smarty's trying to pound through the line, but there's a big blocker: Congressman Kurt Mudgeon from Tennessee. Mudgeon says he doesn't like Smarty's "constituents," and doesn't want their money. Bright makes the call to Mayor Barry. |
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 Watch this! And I tell you, this hooker makes a perfect pass at Congressman Kurt! Tomorrow morning he'll wake up with a world class headache, and an envelope full of naked pictures of himself. Congressman Kurt missed the tackle and got burned on this play! Bang! She took him out with a blindside he didn't even see coming! |
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 Now it's
coming down to the wire. Here's where they're going to get some mud
on their suits. This is crunch time in the trenches. The vote's the
day after tomorrow, and Smarty's running out of time and money. He
knows what he's got to do. He gets on the phone and Wham! Here comes
a courier with $50,000 in cash. I would like to see sweat, but I don't
see any out there. Remember, these guys don't sweat 'cause they're
too cool! |
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 Smarty's done
it! His bill has now passed muster in the House. If his colleague
Senator Rich does his job right, (and in this game, that's a big if)
his bill will become the Law of the Land. Now that's how you play
this game! Boom! You gotta love it! |
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