| Things
You Have to Believe to Be a Democrat Today |
 |
Drug
addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion
and understanding...unless the addict is a Conservative talk
show host.
The United States should be subservient to the United Nations.
Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution,
but a collective of tinpot dictators (and their appeasers)
and the U.N. charter.
Government should relax drug laws regardless of the potential
for abuse, but should pass new and unConstitutional anti-gun
laws because of the potential for abuse.
Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are
"political opportunism," but calls for more gun
control after a criminal's spree killing is "a logical
solution."
"It Takes a Village" means everything you want it
to mean...except creeping socialist government involvement
in the nuclear family.
Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect
them from evil, lawless terrorists and other thugs.
Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb
from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman
by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists,
convicted murderers and rapists is BAD.
Every religion should be respected and promoted in public
schools the name of diversity, so long as that religion isn't
Christianity.
The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every
move. This will let them know they're thought of often.
Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate
if you're the governor of California, but it's okay if you're
the President of the United States.
Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed
choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because
it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.
Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist;
women are blameless for the hatred of the rapist; but America
is entirely at fault for the hatred of Islamofascists.
Poverty is the cause of all terrorism...which is why the leaders
of al Qaeda are typically U.S.-educated and were raised in
wealth and luxury.
The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional
rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt's
Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded "reasonable
precautions."
We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old
allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies
and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.
Socialized medicine is the ideal. Nevermind all those people
who spend every dime they have to get to the United States
so they can get quality medical care...that their nation's
socialized medical community can't provide.
Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly
qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger,
Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political
hacks.
John Lott's research on how gun ownership reduces crime
is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority
on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign
from Emory due to research misconduct over his book "Arming
America").
Bush's toppling the Saddam regime was a "diversion,"
but Clinton's lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq
in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was "sending
a message."
A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president
who references sixteen words from an allies' intelligence
report should be dragged through the streets naked.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights
and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that
wouldn't pass in any legislature.
"The People" in the First Amendment means The People;
"the People" in the Fourth Amendment means The People;
"the People" in the Ninth Amendment means The People;
"the People" in the Tenth Amendment means The People;
but "the People" in the Second Amendment (ratified
in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress
in 1903).
You support a woman's "right to choose" to kill
her unborn child, but don't believe that same woman is competent
enough to homeschool the children she bears.
Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims
of AWOL status is crucial to national security.
Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura's and Rush Limbaugh's advertisers
is "exercising Freedom of Speech," but threatening
to boycott CBS's The Reagans and Liberal actors over their
asinine anti-American remarks is "censorship" and
"McCarthyist blacklisting. |
| |
| |
 |
Pope
Hillary? |
| Hillary
Clinton's secret candidacy for the office of Pope has
been revealed. "Why shouldn't there be a 'Holy
Mother'" asked Senator Clinton at a recent news
conference. I think the fact that I was not even considered
shows the inherent male bias in our religious institutions.
When it was pointed out by one reporter that Senator
Clinton is a Baptist and not a member of the Catholic
Church, she replied, "…and your point is?" |
|
|
 |
| Slick's
Picks |
| Web
Sites to Amuse, Entertain, Educate and Revolt You |
| |
| Paula
Abdul Pregnant by Idol Contestant |
|
 |
|
In
an exclusive interview with Slick Times, American Idol
judge Paula Abdul revealed that she is pregnant by former
Idol contestant Corey Clark."I'm so excited and I just
can't hide it," she exclaimed."I'm
about to lose control and I think I like it," she added.
Abdul revealed a sonogram image shows she is carrying twin
boys that she plans to name Randy and Simon in honor of her
co-judges on the hugely popular talent show.
When asked to comment on the development, the embarrassingly
faux hip and overly made up Randy Jackson said, "Yo dawg,
dis is da bomb, I got to give Paula her props!" Simon
Cowell added, "I hope Corey Clark was better for Paula
than he was on the American Idol stage where, in my opinion,
he was an absolute disaster."
The babies are due sometime after sweeps week. |
| |
Clark Inspires New
"Yo Mama" Joke |
|
 |
| Former
American Idol contestant and celebrated boyskank Corey Clark
has inspired a new "yo mama" joke that goes: Yo
mama's armpits so hairy it look like she got Corey Clark in
a headlock!" Clark remains unavailable for any sort of
an intelligent response. |
| |
| SHARE
THE LAUGHS |
|
|
Slick.com
does not retain your personal information. We never
sell, rent, trade or give your information to a third
party. |
|
| |
GO
TO
PAGE 2 –> |
| |
| HOME |
| |
_ Back
to top |
|