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George W. Bush Jokes!
Here they are -
our best 'Dubya' jokes from Election 2000!
Got a George W. Bush Joke?
The Bush Administration is going to be called
the Wizard of Oz Administration, because Dick Cheney needs a heart
and George W. needs a brain!
Thousands of people are expected for the 15th
annual Burning Man festival this year in Black Rock Desert north
of Reno, Nevada. This is the big hippie festival, where people
run around naked, drink and get stoned, or as George W. Bush likes
to call it, get ready to run for president.
A woman who faked her records so she could
get into Yale University has been put on three years probation
and ordered to repay $16,000 in scholarships. She should have
known that the only way to fake your way into getting a degree
from Yale is to have the last name of Bush.
According to the latest polls, voters are down
on George W. Bush because they think he's "cocky" and
"arrogant." This really upset Bush. To show that he
isn't cocky, instead of making one of his staff members do it,
he got out the dictionary and looked up "arrogant" himself.
While campaigning in South Carolina, George
W. Bush made a surprise appearance at a meeting of high school
football coaches. It was a real surprise because Dubya wasn't
much of a football player in high school. While the rest of the
team was practicing for the big game, he was on the bench trying
to snort the out-of-bounds lines.
According to National Guard records, George W.
Bush got a transfer while in the Texas Air National Guard to work
on a U.S. Senate campaign for six months in Alabama and later
left the Guard early to attend Harvard Business School. Apparently
he was operating under a different slogan than everybody else
in the service. His was "Be all that you can get away with."
Doctors attending a conference in New Orleans
sponsored by the American Stroke Association saw a demonstration
of a new device that uses a laser beam to break up blood clots
located deep inside the brain. The procedure works great but it's
still pretty dangerous. One slip of the laser and the patient
can turn into a Texas governor running for president.
George W. Bush has raised twice as much money
for the entertainment business as Bob Dole did when he ran for
president in 1996. Hollywood types love George W. Between the
coke, the booze and the naked dancing on the bar; he's the first
candidate who represents their family values.
According to the latest presidential polls,
Al Gore and George W. Bush are running in a dead heat. Gore looks
dead and Bush looks like he's in heat.
Baseball great Ted Williams is endorsing George
W. Bush for president. Ted likes W. Because he reminds him of
his old third base coach. Nobody has the heart to tell him that
when W. rubs his nose with his finger he's not giving the bunt
signal.
During the Republican primaries, George W.
Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and
broke Bob Dole's record for most money spent on an entire presidential
campaign. He's spending money so fast, a national organization
of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.
George W. Bush says that illiteracy among school
children amounts to a "national emergency" and if elected,
he'll spend $5 billion over 5 years to address the issue. George
W. Bush and illiteracy. This is the new definition of "the
blind leading the blind."
After Boris Yeltsin resigned as president
of Russia, the candidates had only three months to get ready for
the election to choose his successor. Three months! It took George
W. Bush three months just to figure out that there were no fraternities
to join in the Electoral College.
George W. Bush is targeting America Online users
with interactive banner ads that appear automatically on top of
Web pages. Bush didn't have anything to do with the ad. His idea
for appealing to people who use the Internet was to change his
name to George WWW Bush.
Texas governor George W. Bush said in an appearance
on Larry King Live that questions about his intelligence are just
"another phase" in his quest for the presidency and
will soon pass. The bad news is, they'll only pass with a "C."
The Moonlight Bunny Ranch, a brothel in Nevada,
has named a bedroom suite after Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura
because he used to go there when he was a Navy SEAL. And in a
related story, a crack house in Texas is changing its name to
George W. Bush Gardens.
U.S. Custom's agents stopped two women at
a Mexican border crossing in Texas after allegedly finding several
pounds of cocaine hidden under their wigs. Texas governor George
W. Bush doesn't want the court to show these women any leniency.
He said if they're guilty, he'll have their heads.
The winner in this year's $1 million prize in
the Pillsbury Bake-Off is a Cream Cheese Brownie Pie created by
Roberta Sonefeld from Hopkins, South Carolina. This pie is so
rich; George W. Bush asked it for a campaign contribution.
George W. Bush continues to mangle the English
language. He told parents worried about too much profanity and
violence on TV to "Put the 'off' button on." It's getting
so bad, the "W" in his name now stands for "What'd
he say?"
Pet owners are hoping to give their pets immortality
by sending DNA samples to places like the Genetic Savings and
Clone at Texas A&M University, so they can be cloned. Texas
is a hotbed for this kind of stuff. Former president George Bush
has already cloned some his own DNA just in case his son George
W. Gets elected and is really as dumb as he acts.
Executives at Britannica.com say the free
online encyclopedia is no longer crashing every time too many
people try to access the web site. In fact, now the only time
the system gets overloaded is when a reporter asks George W. Bush
a question about world affairs.
According to a new survey, the United States
is the third-happiest country in the world overall, behind Denmark
and Australia. When asked why he thought we were behind Denmark,
George W. Bush said he didn't know, but we're ahead of Wal-mark
and K-mark.
According to the Islamic Republic News Agency,
authorities in Iran have executed seven drug traffickers and seized
more than 1.5 tons of illegal narcotics in the past six months.
In a related story, Iran is the first foreign country that George
W. Bush was able to name the leader of.
Here's the latest George W. Bush scandal. He
only pays half the required property taxes on his private lakefront
property in Athens, Texas because it has been designated as a
recreational area. Apparently it qualifies for that designation
because it's where George W. does his recreational drugs.
Congress passed a bill allowing law enforcement
agencies to freeze the assets of international drug dealers. That
shouldn't bother George W. Bush. He's been keeping his coke in
the freezer ever since his mom found his stash in his sock drawer.
Got a George W. Bush Joke?
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