Al Gore Jokes!
Here they are - our
best Al Gore jokes from Election 2000!
Got a Gore Joke?
How is Al Gore like Chinese food? One hour
after you give him a campaign contribution, he's back for more.
Vice President Al Gore met with Minnesota
governor Jesse Ventura to try and get his support in November.
To give yourself some idea how the meeting went, pull off the
head of a Ken doll and stick it under the arm of a Jesse Ventura
doll.
A man died on a subway train in New York
City and his body rode the train for five hours before anyone
noticed it. Apparently they thought it was just Al Gore in town
to campaign for Hillary Clinton's Senate bid.
The White House has admitted that thousands
of incoming e-mail messages on campaign fund-raising and other
matters cannot be searched in response to House subpoenas because
of unintentional computer errors. In a related story, Bill Gates
decided to support Al Gore since this proves the White House
uses Windows.
Al Gore tries to appeal to Hispanic voters
in New York by speaking a few words of Spanish at campaign appearances.
That's not going to get him many votes in November. What he really
needs to do is figure out how to get his picture to appear miraculously
on the front of a tortilla.
According to the latest presidential election
polls, Al Gore and George W. Bush are running in a dead heat.
Gore looks dead and Bush looks like he's in heat.
Vice President Al Gore is supporting a
$7.8 billion rescue plan for the Florida Everglades that is being
studied by Congress. Al has a special attachment for the Everglades.
He didn't invent them, but he does claim to be the first person
to ever say, "See you later, alligator."
Vice President Al Gore has a campaign ad showing
him and his son Albert Gore III climbing Mount Rainier last year.
A mountain-climbing expert in the ad says the qualities needed
to climb mountains are the same ones needed in a president. However,
when interviewed later, he wouldn't verify Gore's claim that
he invented yodeling.
Vice President Al Gore and Hillary Rodham
Clinton shared the stage in New York at a rally held by the Young
Men's Hebrew Association. They both have personal connections
to the members of this organization. Hillary says she has some
Jewish ancestors and Al claims he invented bagels and lox.
There's a new magazine out called the Journal
of Mundane Behavior which contains scholarly analyses of the
ordinary, earthy and just plain normal things people do in their
lives. I thought we already had a journal of mundane behavior.
It's called the Vice Presidential Handbook.
Baseball great Ted Williams is endorsing
George W. Bush for president. However his bat is endorsing Al
Gore.
Al Gore attended the opening of the first
Internet cyber-cafe in South Central Los Angeles and was introduced
as "an honorary black man." Now there's a stretch.
Al Gore's staff has to keep reminding him that hip-hop is not
a dance where you put your right foot in and then take your right
foot out.
Presidential candidates George W. Bush
and Al Gore have both been using Spanish in their speeches to
try to appeal to Hispanic voters. Bush doesn't sound too bad
but Al Gore sounds like the Taco Bell dog trying to convince
his owner not to neuter him.
The Republican National Committee has a huge
billboard just 500 feet from Al Gore's presidential campaign
headquarters. It shows a picture of him hugging President Clinton
and a quote from Al where he calls Clinton "One of Our Greatest
Presidents." Wait until the Republicans find out Al likes
the sign. The picture of him is more life-like than the real
thing.
Documents released by the White House show
that the Democratic National Committee asked Al Gore to make
140 calls to campaign donors but he only connected on 56 of them.
The other 84 hung up because he sounds just like a dial tone.
More bad news for Al Gore's quest to become
president in 2000. Paula Jones claims he exposed himself to her
in a hotel room and he has no distinguishing characteristics
whatsoever.
Hillary Clinton is trying to appeal to
Jewish voters in New York by revealing that the second husband
of her grandmother was a Russian-born Jew named Max Rosenberg.
If that works for her, Al Gore plans to announce he invented
the matzo ball.
Researchers at Stanford University say they
may have found the gene that causes narcolepsy, the disease where
people suddenly fall asleep at odd times. If they can find a
pill that cures it, the Gore campaign promised to buy the entire
supply to spike the punch at his next campaign dinner.
Al Gore said in a speech he thinks it's
great that Hillary Clinton is running for the senate in New York
and he's not worried about her raising money from Democrats that
could have gone to his campaign. In fact, they've already divided
up New York City into areas that will give each the best support.
Hillary is taking uptown and downtown and Al is taking Chinatown.
If you're in New York in the near future,
check out a show called Thwak at the off-Broadway Minetta Lane
Theatre. It stars two mimes but only one is silent. The other
makes sound effects. Do you know what the technical term is for
a mime that makes sound effects?
Al Gore
How did Al Gore break his nose?
Clinton made a fast turn.
Al Gore was arrested for shooting a spotted
owl. When he got to court, the judge said, "You know it's
illegal to shoot spotted owls. They're an endangered species."
Gore replied, "I know, your Honor, but I was lost in the
woods and I was starving. That poor owl was the first food I
had seen in three days!"
The judge took pity on Mr. Gore and said, "Well, I'll let
you off with a warning this time. It's obvious that you were
trying to survive. Just don't do it again."
The Vice President swore that he wouldn't and thanked the judge
profusely. On his way out, the judge stopped him. "By the
way, Mr. Vice President, how did it taste?"
He thought a moment then replied, "Not bad... not bad, a
lot like bald eagle."
Got a Gore Joke?
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