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Al Gore Jokes!
Here they are -
our best Al Gore jokes from Election 2000!
Got a Gore Joke?
How is Al Gore like Chinese food? One hour
after you give him a campaign contribution, he's back for more.
Vice President Al Gore met with Minnesota governor
Jesse Ventura to try and get his support in November. To give
yourself some idea how the meeting went, pull off the head of
a Ken doll and stick it under the arm of a Jesse Ventura doll.
A man died on a subway train in New York City
and his body rode the train for five hours before anyone noticed
it. Apparently they thought it was just Al Gore in town to campaign
for Hillary Clinton's Senate bid.
The White House has admitted that thousands of
incoming e-mail messages on campaign fund-raising and other matters
cannot be searched in response to House subpoenas because of unintentional
computer errors. In a related story, Bill Gates decided to support
Al Gore since this proves the White House uses Windows.
Al Gore tries to appeal to Hispanic voters
in New York by speaking a few words of Spanish at campaign appearances.
That's not going to get him many votes in November. What he really
needs to do is figure out how to get his picture to appear miraculously
on the front of a tortilla.
According to the latest presidential election
polls, Al Gore and George W. Bush are running in a dead heat.
Gore looks dead and Bush looks like he's in heat.
Vice President Al Gore is supporting a $7.8
billion rescue plan for the Florida Everglades that is being studied
by Congress. Al has a special attachment for the Everglades. He
didn't invent them, but he does claim to be the first person to
ever say, "See you later, alligator."
Vice President Al Gore has a campaign ad showing
him and his son Albert Gore III climbing Mount Rainier last year.
A mountain-climbing expert in the ad says the qualities needed
to climb mountains are the same ones needed in a president. However,
when interviewed later, he wouldn't verify Gore's claim that he
invented yodeling.
Vice President Al Gore and Hillary Rodham
Clinton shared the stage in New York at a rally held by the Young
Men's Hebrew Association. They both have personal connections
to the members of this organization. Hillary says she has some
Jewish ancestors and Al claims he invented bagels and lox.
There's a new magazine out called the Journal
of Mundane Behavior which contains scholarly analyses of the ordinary,
earthy and just plain normal things people do in their lives.
I thought we already had a journal of mundane behavior. It's called
the Vice Presidential Handbook.
Baseball great Ted Williams is endorsing George
W. Bush for president. However his bat is endorsing Al Gore.
Al Gore attended the opening of the first Internet
cyber-cafe in South Central Los Angeles and was introduced as
"an honorary black man." Now there's a stretch. Al Gore's
staff has to keep reminding him that hip-hop is not a dance where
you put your right foot in and then take your right foot out.
Presidential candidates George W. Bush and
Al Gore have both been using Spanish in their speeches to try
to appeal to Hispanic voters. Bush doesn't sound too bad but Al
Gore sounds like the Taco Bell dog trying to convince his owner
not to neuter him.
The Republican National Committee has a huge
billboard just 500 feet from Al Gore's presidential campaign headquarters.
It shows a picture of him hugging President Clinton and a quote
from Al where he calls Clinton "One of Our Greatest Presidents."
Wait until the Republicans find out Al likes the sign. The picture
of him is more life-like than the real thing.
Documents released by the White House show
that the Democratic National Committee asked Al Gore to make 140
calls to campaign donors but he only connected on 56 of them.
The other 84 hung up because he sounds just like a dial tone.
More bad news for Al Gore's quest to become president
in 2000. Paula Jones claims he exposed himself to her in a hotel
room and he has no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever.
Hillary Clinton is trying to appeal to Jewish
voters in New York by revealing that the second husband of her
grandmother was a Russian-born Jew named Max Rosenberg. If that
works for her, Al Gore plans to announce he invented the matzo
ball.
Researchers at Stanford University say they may
have found the gene that causes narcolepsy, the disease where
people suddenly fall asleep at odd times. If they can find a pill
that cures it, the Gore campaign promised to buy the entire supply
to spike the punch at his next campaign dinner.
Al Gore said in a speech he thinks it's great
that Hillary Clinton is running for the senate in New York and
he's not worried about her raising money from Democrats that could
have gone to his campaign. In fact, they've already divided up
New York City into areas that will give each the best support.
Hillary is taking uptown and downtown and Al is taking Chinatown.
If you're in New York in the near future, check
out a show called Thwak at the off-Broadway Minetta Lane Theatre.
It stars two mimes but only one is silent. The other makes sound
effects. Do you know what the technical term is for a mime that
makes sound effects?
Al Gore
How did Al Gore break his nose?
Clinton made a fast turn.
Al Gore was arrested for shooting a spotted owl.
When he got to court, the judge said, "You know it's illegal
to shoot spotted owls. They're an endangered species."
Gore replied, "I know, your Honor, but I was lost in the
woods and I was starving. That poor owl was the first food I had
seen in three days!"
The judge took pity on Mr. Gore and said, "Well, I'll let
you off with a warning this time. It's obvious that you were trying
to survive. Just don't do it again."
The Vice President swore that he wouldn't and thanked the judge
profusely. On his way out, the judge stopped him. "By the
way, Mr. Vice President, how did it taste?"
He thought a moment then replied, "Not bad... not bad, a
lot like bald eagle."
Got
a Gore Joke?
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