Gore, Bradley
Square Off in Debate
Al Gore to Undergo Image Change
Having offered the American public the
Vice Presidential Algore, the Alpha Male Algore, the Attack Dog
Algore, and the Kinder, Gentler Algore - and, despite such image
manipulation, still finding himself slightly trailing his Republican
rival George (let's just forget I share the same last name as my
father) W. - candidate Algore has moved since the Democratic convention
to show the American public a new, tantalizing possibility, the
Presidential Algore.
The image makeover began just two days after the convention when
Algore campaign aides let slip to the press corps that in the event
of an Algore victory, Tipper Gore would be placed in charge of security
at the nation's nuclear laboratories. Polls show many Americans
have become slightly concerned at repeated reports of missing documents,
missing hard drives and espionage at the nation's nuclear research
facilities in Los Alamos.
Following this announcement, aides let slip that in the event of
an Algore victory, Tipper would also be placed in charge of America's
foreign policy. Polls show many Americans are concerned that numerous
adventures overseas during the Clinton years have left the nation's
Armed Forces overburdened and under-funded, leading to the possibility
that one of any number of hot spots from the Middle East to Korea
could erupt and drag the nation into a war.
Two days later, Algore himself, in a speech to the National Education
Association, promised that, if elected, his wife, Tipper, would
immediately convene a secret task force which, upon its convocation,
would break numerous federal laws and present an education reform
program that would double the federal education bureaucracy while
being so complex as to defy analysis by even the most erudite of
education policy specialists. Polls show many Americans, particularly
female Americans, are concerned the nation's public education system
is doing a better job showing kids how to use condoms than teaching
them how to read or write.
Finally, Tipper, herself, is telling reporters traveling with her
that she can hardly wait to get to the White House so she can set
about reforming the nation's Social Security system. While details
of Tipper's plans in this area remain unclear, rumors abound that
Tipper believes the American public should be forced to invest half
of all their retirement income in rental properties in Tennessee.
Polls show many Americans are concerned about the nation's public
retirement system going broke.
Finally, to drive home the point that they will govern the nation
in the same manner the Clintons have for the last eight years, last
night, Tipper threw an ashtray at Algore.
Asked about the details of her plans to reform Social Security,
education, America's foreign policy and security at our nation's
nuclear labs, Tipper steadfastly refused to answer saying, "I
am a private citizen and you have no right to ask me such questions."
The reporter who asked the question was immediately told by a host
of female reporters that he is "afraid of strong women,"
labeled a member of the "vast right-wing conspiracy" by
Tipper and informed he was being audited by the IRS.
Public opinion polls are expected to move in Algore's favor, forthwith. |
