Gore, Bradley
Square Off in Debate
Al Gore to Undergo Image Change
Having offered the American public
the Vice Presidential Algore, the Alpha Male Algore, the Attack
Dog Algore, and the Kinder, Gentler Algore - and, despite such
image manipulation, still finding himself slightly trailing his
Republican rival George (let's just forget I share the same last
name as my father) W. - candidate Algore has moved since the
Democratic convention to show the American public a new, tantalizing
possibility, the Presidential Algore.
The image makeover began just two days after the convention when
Algore campaign aides let slip to the press corps that in the
event of an Algore victory, Tipper Gore would be placed in charge
of security at the nation's nuclear laboratories. Polls show
many Americans have become slightly concerned at repeated reports
of missing documents, missing hard drives and espionage at the
nation's nuclear research facilities in Los Alamos.
Following this announcement, aides let slip that in the event
of an Algore victory, Tipper would also be placed in charge of
America's foreign policy. Polls show many Americans are concerned
that numerous adventures overseas during the Clinton years have
left the nation's Armed Forces overburdened and under-funded,
leading to the possibility that one of any number of hot spots
from the Middle East to Korea could erupt and drag the nation
into a war.
Two days later, Algore himself, in a speech to the National Education
Association, promised that, if elected, his wife, Tipper, would
immediately convene a secret task force which, upon its convocation,
would break numerous federal laws and present an education reform
program that would double the federal education bureaucracy while
being so complex as to defy analysis by even the most erudite
of education policy specialists. Polls show many Americans, particularly
female Americans, are concerned the nation's public education
system is doing a better job showing kids how to use condoms
than teaching them how to read or write.
Finally, Tipper, herself, is telling reporters traveling with
her that she can hardly wait to get to the White House so she
can set about reforming the nation's Social Security system.
While details of Tipper's plans in this area remain unclear,
rumors abound that Tipper believes the American public should
be forced to invest half of all their retirement income in rental
properties in Tennessee. Polls show many Americans are concerned
about the nation's public retirement system going broke.
Finally, to drive home the point that they will govern the nation
in the same manner the Clintons have for the last eight years,
last night, Tipper threw an ashtray at Algore.
Asked about the details of her plans to reform Social Security,
education, America's foreign policy and security at our nation's
nuclear labs, Tipper steadfastly refused to answer saying, "I
am a private citizen and you have no right to ask me such questions."
The reporter who asked the question was immediately told by a
host of female reporters that he is "afraid of strong women,"
labeled a member of the "vast right-wing conspiracy"
by Tipper and informed he was being audited by the IRS.
Public opinion polls are expected to move in Algore's favor,
forthwith. |
