| Exclusive
to LCG |
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Vice
Presidential
Knock-out |
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| She's
a "10" says Joe! |
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"Anyone
who knows me, knows I hardly ever lie," said Joe
Biden. "Sarah Palin is a stone ten and you can
take that to the bank," he added. "I would
have done a whole lot better at our debate if I hadn't
been so distracted by her perfume and long legs –
and those glasses, man – sexy and smart,
what a combination! She's unbeatable. What a knock-out!"
he enthusiastically opined.
No matter the outcome, Biden sees this election as a
win-win for him. "If she wins, she'll preside over
the Senate so I'll have a chance to get to know her
better," Biden explained. "If we win, she'll
go back to Alaska, where I hope to visit her on a number
of energy ‘fact-finding' trips. Man, I love this
country!" declared Biden with a grin. |
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OBAMA
Narrowly Escapes
Menopausal Mob |
|
Pledges
to Outlaw
Controversial Practice |
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| What
was billed as an opportunity for healing and a bid for party
unity turned ugly on Tuesday afternoon, as Democrat presidential
nominee Barack Obama was first heckled and then virtually
chased from the stage by an agitated crowd of Hillary supporters
demanding extended family & medical leave, more paid time
off, and subsidized hormone replacement. When Obama pleaded
for unity "for the good of the Democratic party,"
the mood of the overwhelmingly female crowd quickly turned
ugly. First loud chanting broke out: "Hil-lar-ry!"
and "Forget Petraeus - Howard Dean Betrayed Us,"
an apparent reference to the disputed Michigan and Florida
primaries.Shielded
by aides, Obama returned to the podium and finally mollified
the angry crowd by pledging that his first act as president
would be to outlaw lesbian hunting. The pledge was largely
symbolic since Wisconsin is the only remaining state that
still has a lesbian hunting season, (New Mexico banned the
practice in 1969.)Obama
related a tragic incident where a large bull lesbian had been
gut-shot by a hunter and escaped into the woods. The wounded
lesbian turned rogue and, attracted by his plaid shirt, mauled
a Mexican gardener. She was eventually captured and euthanized
via an intravenous injection of estrogen."We
must work together to prevent tragedies like this from ever
happening again," Obama told the wildly cheering crowd. |
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| MOOSE |
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| It's
What's For Winter! |
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"In
Alaska, we call the moose Northern Food Stamps," says
Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. "Just like government
assistance, a good-sized bull moose can feed a family of four
for an entire Winter," she adds. Mrs. Palin has generously
given us her acclaimed moose stew recipe, which we pass on
to our readers.
Sarah's Moose Stew
- 4 slices bacon, cut up
- 5 md onions, chopped
- 1 clove
- 3 Lg potatoes cubed with skin on
- 1 16oz pk fresh or frozen green beans
- 2 bay leaves
- 2 lb moose, cubed
- 6 carrots, peeled and sliced
- 1 pk fresh or frozen peas
- 1 cup of good red wine
- 1 (46 oz.) can tomato juice
First shoot, bleed out and field dress the moose. Feed entrails
to your sled dogs. Return home with carcass. Butcher, wrap
and freeze moose meat in meal size portions. Retain moose's
head for wall decor.
Okay, let's get started. Brown bacon in iron kettle. Add moose
meat and brown on all sides. Add onions and sauté.
Add all remaining ingredients and simmer 90 minutes or until
flavors are mixed and vegetables and moose meat are tender.
Remove bay leaves. Serve with hot homemade bread and ice cold
American or home-brewed beer. Receive accolades from family
and friends. |
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