Lies,
Rumors, Innuendos and Half-truths . . . Just Like the Mainstream
Press!
Get
Over It!
Attention
Liberals, language police, the politically correct,
Obama toadies and left-wing pinheads of every stripe: Political satire is as American as apple pie.
People have been making fun of presidents from the
beginning. However, if one
makes a joke about the Messiah,the crybabies on the
Left label you a "hater" or "racist."
Well, we're not haters or racists,
but we do (gasp!) love our country and pride ourselves
on being politically incorrect! Get over it.
To all other Americans: We publish this web
site in the hope that you will get a few laughs during
these hard times. If you
like what we are doing please share this page with
others. Many thanks.
•
You wear Birkenstocks with a tuxedo.
• You have a "Save the Planet"
bumper sticker on your Hummer.
• You are a female who doesn't shave
her armpits or a male who does.
• You actually know the difference
between Arugula and Riciccio.
• You want to give California back
to Mexico.
• You named your first child Diversity.
• Your educational goal is to stay
in college until you reach retirement
age.
• After making love, you ask your
date to got Dutch on the condom.
• Your hair still reaches your shoulders
but now it starts below your ears.
• You have a picture of Nancy Pelosi
hanging on your headboard.
• You bought new leather boots for
the animal rights march.
• You go to a planetarium to pick
out names for your kids.
• You've ever tried to get your insurance
company to pay for a witch doctor.
• You know more politically-correct
words for "husband" and "wife"
than you know couples
who are stil married.
• You know the second verse to "Kum
By Ya".
• You've ever been to a "clothing-optional"
fashion show.
• Your last name has more hyphens
than consonants.
George
Bush sent Jay Leno to entertain the troops battling
in the Persian Gulf. But our soldiers stationed in
Iraq weren't so lucky. Instead of a real comedian,
Obama sent the next best thing...Hillary! Ladies and gentlemen. Put your hands together for
The First Lady of Comedy... Hillary Rodham Clinton!!!!
Thank you. It's great to be here in Iraq. Yeah, right.
I looked it up in my little phrase book and "Iraq"
is the Croatian word for "New Jersey."
I tried to join the Marines when I was younger but
they turned me down because of my bad eyesight. Not
being able to see has caused me to make a lot of mistakes
in my life. Take my husband...Please!
Everybody says I need contacts. Hey, I had plenty
of contacts in the Whitehouse... look where they got
me.
This country is nothing but craters. It's got more
holes in it than the Healthcare Bill.
I
had an MRE last night. MRE. That stands for Meals
Ready to Eat. Around Michelle Obama, that means anything
that isn't nailed down.
I'm not saying Michelle has a big butt... but in college
her nickname was Damn!
They're pretty serious about not bringing any booze
into Iraq. In fact, they don't even want you bringing
in anything that can be used in the brewing process.
I had to delay this trip a week until my yeast infection
cleared up.
Before I go, I'd like to say hi to all the gay soldiers
here today. I just want you to know I admire what
you're doing and I support "Don't ask, don't
tell" one-hundred percent. However, there's an
early discharge in it for anybody who can point one
out to me later. I need to get my hair done.
You've been a great audience. This is Hillary "Putting
the Ham back in Rodham" Clinton saying good-bye
from Iraq.
Japanese
scientists claim to have a camera
with a shutter speed so fast it can
actually
photograph Obama with his mouth shut!
Actual
German product.
OBAMAVILLE!
Coming
to a neighborhood near you!
OBAMA
HEALTH CARE PLAN
(10)
Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office
include "Take a left when you enter
the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly
of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan
is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive
Care Coverage is "an apple a day…"
5) Your primary care physician is wearing
the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for
200% of out-of-network charges,"
is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors
with little M's on them.
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you
a Popsicle stick and Duct tape
1.
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral
objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket
launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but
consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof
and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared
Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely
carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have
uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what
you've done with your cave."
10. You have nothing against women and think every
man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or
not.
12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
Hi
I'm Barry! All ya gotta do is pull up on
the rack and I'll drain that nasty old conservative
sludge! Then we'll pop the hood, give you
a new reality filter plus five quarts of
the finest 30 weight Liberaline and you'll
be on your way.
