Sarah
Palin Lobbies ABC to
Join "Dancing with the Stars" |
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Alaska
Governor Sarah Palin reportedly contacted ABC executives shortly
after the Republican defeat to urge them to consider her for
the roster of celebrity contestants on "Dancing with
the Stars."
Network insiders confirmed Palin’s interest in competing
on the show, but said she seemed less interested in the media
exposure than the clothing allowance and the chance to stay
in the lower 48 just a little bit longer.
Palin submitted an audition video of her dancing the lambada
in full costume. According to network employees who have viewed
the tape, Palin showed some major moves which she attributes
to all the practice she gets with the First Dude during those
endlessly long, dark winter nights.
Palin suggested the show’s producers add another dance
style as they did earlier this season with Hip Hop. She recommended
several dances popular in her state including Drill Here,
Drill Now, Mush Mush, the Maverick and Moose Humping.
Former Democratic Congresswoman Geraldine Ferraro is reportedly
miffed that the show's producers are considering Palin's request.
"I can dance circles around that Bimbo," Ms. Ferraro
told reporters. |
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| Telling it like it is! |
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| Al
Sharpton responds to being asked, "Who's the new Black
Messiah?" |
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Barney
Franks
in development |
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According
to company sources, Oscar Mayer is developing a new hot dog
aimed at reviving lagging sales to the children's market.
The low-fat chicken hot dogs will be purple and feature Barney
the Dinosaur as pitchman.
Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank has not returned our
phone calls. |
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Greatest
Role Reversal
of All Time (that never was) |
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Joe
the Plumber to
Host Reality Show |
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Fox
Television will release a new reality show hosted by Joe Wurzelbacher
a.k.a. Joe the Plumber this December.
America's Next Top Plumber will pit plumbers from around
the country against each other in "real world" plumbing
challenges. They will diagnose and repair gas leaks, water
heater problems, clogged drains, overflowing toilets and other
plumbing issues of actual homeowners.
Contestants will be judged on criteria such as: stubble, butt
crack exposure, colorful language in describing plumbing problems,
delaying work projects, overcharging homeowners, showing up
late, and refusal to turn water back on until paid.
The winner will receive a case of Bud Light, a carton of Marlboros
and a used Ford F150 truck outfitted with pipe racks and tool
box.
The show's producers have tapped Rosie O'Donnell and Sean
Penn to appear as celebrity judges. |
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| You
gotta see this! |
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| Is
this the car of the future? |
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| You
gotta read these! |
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| How
a Bill Becomes a Law |
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| Al
Gore's Green Tips |
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Supreme
Court Justice
Receives Extreme Makeover |
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| Supreme
Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has undergone extensive
cosmetic surgery. "We wanted to give Ms. Ginsburg
a hipper, fresher more vital look and I think we succeded,"
said Dr. Bob Freebush. Freebush is a Washington D.C.
plastic surgeon who headed up the team of surgeons that
performed the three day surgery on justice Ruth Bader
Ginsburg. |
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| Ms.
Ginsburg, a Democrat and leading feminist thinker, was
appointed to the high court by Hillary Clinton in 1993. |
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Bush
Pushes for
New National Holiday |
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 President
Bush will ask Congress to designate Cinco De Mayo a
National Holiday. "Si, I will,"said the Chief
Executive, "I'm a uniter, not a divider. It will
be good for our avocado growers and breweries while
honoring the newest members of the GOP. Besides,"
he added, "who doesn't like tequila and loud Mexican
music?" |
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Obama's
Campaign
Linked To Illness |
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The
"vapors," a female malady once thought to
have been eradicated, has made an alarming comeback.
Medical researchers attribute America's near epidemic
rise in the disease directly to Barack Obama's candidacy.
Common during the Victoria Age, victims exhibit a number
of symptoms including faintness, nervousness, insomnia,
muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability and
a tendency to behave irrationally.
Medical researcher, Hugh Jardon, MD, of the University
of Manitoba writes, "Vapors victims can be divided
into two general categories: young women who are mimicking
peer behavior and older women who are sexually frustrated
and use the occasion of a public appearance by Senator
Obama as a safe alternative to actual interaction with
a male."
Smelling salts manufacturers have noticed a significant
increase in sales since Obama's campaigned launched.
Doctors recommend that women carry smelling salts when
attending an Obama event.
Deer antlers are a component of smelling salts and environmentalists
are concerned about the impact Obama's campaign will
have on deer populations. |
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| Factoid |
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| Michelle
Obama once worked briefly as
a substitute elementary school
teacher. School administrators
were forced to terminate her
employment when parents complained
that her big feet frightened
the children. |
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| Michelle
Obama's actual size 14W shoe
pictured here. |
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| Ready
for change America? |
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 Hi
I'm Barry! All ya gotta do is pull up on the rack and I'll
drain that nasty old conservative sludge! Then we'll pop the
hood, give you a new reality filter plus five quarts of the
finest 30 weight Liberaline and you'll be on your way. |
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| Ask
Doctor Clintstein . . . |
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Albert
Clintstein, the world's
most intelligent human being... |
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| No
caption needed for this one folks! |
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Reason
#89:
Why it's a bad idea to give ourselves back to the British
Empire as John McCain has suggested! |
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Loose
Change Gazette
Read More >> |
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